artificially flavored world.

The large crowd has their eyes on her.
She can hear their whispers, see them point.
Her differences give them something to talk about.
Her mind is flushed with craziness as she breathes in
the thick air of judgement and pressure that surrounds her.
People walk up to her.
They try to change her, they degrade her, they form their opinions.
They love her?
They are plastic,
just fake blood pumping through a fake heart supporting a fake mind
with bad intentions.
For years she has been hiding under her own skin and a
massive overcoat of paranoia.
Without a warning..
Rage is suddenly ignited in her veins. Through a type of
motivation she has never felt before, her footsteps sound on the stage floor.
She reaches the center.
She delicately places her hands over her deep blue eyes.
All she can see is a shade of black.
Everyone is gone, no one is watching her. She can feel
the honesty moving closer to the tip of her tongue.
She speaks of life as she knows it.
No one has ever heard real like this.
Her mind morphs into words that begin to leak from her moving lips...

She wakes up.
She rushes out of bed,
throws on some old tattered blue jeans and a custard cardigan.
"This will have to do.."
She looks into the mirror with a distateful look on her face.
She comes to a frantic stop and her mind considers the possibilities as to what she could be missing..
She grins. Remembers her dream.
Although it had never happened, although she didnt break lose and show the world
who she was and what she had to say,
her dream is proof. She knows who she is.
Not even half of the critic assholes can say that about themselves.
She grabs her baby blue umbrella and prepares herself for the plastic world
laced with beauty that only the observant can see.
The beauty that she wakes up for.
The beauty that she will embrace from this day on.

Metaphorically speaking.

It is well into the night, some would even consider it morning. She eats a bowl of cereal and stares straight ahead. Her mind is so active it wouldnt surprise me if she wasnt aware of the mass amount of lucky charms she continually pours into the tiny paper cup. Life is on her mind while her life is happening. I can't decide if I should tell her how unhealthy that is, but then again... she seems to be fine. She appears happy. Perhaps this is how she grew up, how she taught herself to live. 60% of the time no one has her attention, she is generally pondering on who knows what. She's a good fake. Her eye contact, body language and occasional nods are very deceiving. Her eyes get heavy as she begins to yawn. "Sleep all day, play all night" she has heard it from her dad a trillion times. She knows its not okay, but telling herself she needs a regular sleeping pattern will not give her a regular sleeping pattern. Her life is made of metaphors. Her room is too hot, outside is too cold. She is in the living room. Caught in the inbetween. The clock on the wall is doing all that it can to get her to close her eyes, but as mentioned previously... time might aswell not exist. He puts a smile on her face. She might get some sleep tonight. & The fly on the window continues to find its way out into the world.

when.

How lucky she has it. It is a mystery to me as to why she has to remind herself of that. Why the mask? That is something only she knows. If she were to tell, she knows it would only hurt worse. Why is the golden question. Why is the question that she has never known the answer to. "Damn google, why cant you give me the answers to my life," she mutters to herself. The mirror must be a distortion, only she can see the lonliness. Red Hot Chili Peppers sounds through the miniature room. Why torture your mind? Red Hot Chili Peppers reminds her of him. The him that still lives. He lives in her childhood memory. The funeral is when she recieved news, this was his favorite band. She would know that had she stayed in touch. But god, she loves his memory. It is hard to believe that something that was once there, can dissapear completely. No where to be seen. Non existant? No they still live. They live inside of you, but you'll never touch them again. The worst, you'll never laugh with them again. It is especially hard knowing they are gone due to a saddened heart. She knows this feeling. She has experienced this kind of loss a few times in her life. There was once a time when she slept at her best friends house. Her dad took them on a joyful ride in the brand new BMW he suddenly posessed. He swerved as the young girls exploded with high pitched screams mixed with beautiful laughs, the real kind of laugh. She remembers the night as if it were yesterday. She remembers the man behind the wheel as if he was still there. She misses him, and with the build up of tears... she reflects on the time she considered him her second father. What a neat guy. A good friend. She remembers him for him, not for what he became. The world can do that to you, it can change you. Generally for the worst. Being aware of this, she yearns to become closer to the gospel. That isnt anything different, she always has. Committing to become closer to the gospel is the hard part. She always tells herself that "oneday." "onedayIwilldoit." You would think she would know by now that life doesnt always make it till that "one day" Sometimes, the deadline is cut short. When.

wWazzTyoSign?

HI
yesterday was thirsty thursday.
I attended a pawrtee. Twas lots of fun, the music was sikkkk bro. Unfortunately people that are gay like me celebrate thirsty thursday with orange cream soda. Its too bad that orange cream soda tastes like ah hole and I only drank it because I have nothing to drink here and the tap water is unsanitary. Almost as unsanitary as my apartment, well not anymore... my OCD kicked into overdrive this morning and I put my roommate animals to work. If it wasnt that, I was on the verge of creating a fake clean up check slip. Last night at the party everyone was drunk but me and doiden, it was the best.. we danced and shii. The girl that owns the house asked eden what kind of dancing she was doing, Eden is a really impressive dancer. PAHAHA Eden has the ability to make drunk girls confused. The boy that gave me his number (boy that was shorter than me that told me to hit him up.. from the earlier post) was there and ooohhh goodness we are not on good terms due to my lack of texting him. i'm freakin scaredddd. I bought Febreze from Walmart the other night that smells like boys cologne. If there are any stinky boys reading this and you cant afford cologne, its called Winter Evening & Warmth. Invest in this okay? Guarentee girls will be likeee, is that usher? sooo yum. My roommates friends are coming again today.... DAM NAT. but her boyfriend is commin with. I'm so essiteddddddddddddddddd. So my roomates (all of them) decided to let out some breaking news. They are all moving. HahahaHa but for some reason, if me and eden want to move they told us they know two people that will buy our contracts... so naturally, I asked why their friends would want to buy are contracts if they were all moving out anway? They go... Well, I mean we would stay if you guys moved! WTFFFFFF. farm animals. freakin' farm animals. The asian is dating her cousin. no joke, rumor has it that this boy is her cousin. Every night i've been coming home lately they've been asleep in strange positions on the couch. I'm convinced they are faking. I dont know how they wouldnt wake up to me coming in and turning on the lights plus the noise I make to purposly wake them up. FAKERS. You guys gotta check out the hoodinternet remixes, they are sikk. I'm sickkkkk i am so sick rite now. I'm goinnnnnnnnnng i'll letcha know all bout my life tomorra . keep posted.

EyeLaUV.

Click on this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX1UYwwDqrA

Tis Good, If you know what good is.

babi momma drama.

In english today I had to write a paragraph about the saying, "Pen is more powerful than the sword."
It got me thinking that if it is true, we all must have a lot of power at our fingertips. The fact that it is easily accessable is the greatest advantage. The best example I could come up with is Martin Luther King Jr. and his ability to write such an amazing speech that it proved more effective than any violent outbreak or malicia that could have struck. It was a written speech that turned into spoken words and gave the African American population the Civil Rights that they so rightfully deserved. No one should ever underestimate the power of words on a sheet of paper, it can be pretty powerful stuff if it is used effectively.

I'm bored, and ya know what..? I'm going to Walmart. I'm going to Walmart alone at midnight, I will update you on my experience when I return.

I spent about two hours at WAlmartttta;slkjf
It sucked. I thought I was getting a good deal and ended up spending way too much money. and i dont even know what I bought. andddd im sick. and im tired. and this post sucks and I am sorry. sorry to myselffff for making this SUCH a gay and uneventful day.

I didnt get raped.

YouShizzin'Meh?

"koo mi chee pokee la la fa ta ra mawul fah" she sang. She sang in Japanese. I walked past her room casually, trying not to look as if my sole purpose of getting up and walking was because of her, and her only. The singing was followed by talking, her talking was followed by me thinking WTF who is she talking to. No one is in her room with her. I hope it was skype. I hope it was anything. Just please say she wasnt talking/ singing to herself because that would creep me out. On Halloween eve's eve I had the fabulous opportunity to dress up in a costume to go to a costume party that we didnt end up going to. It was embarrassing. We went to a party with 28 year olds, wait.. make that three parties. My roommate has cool friends. They creep hard and stuff. Probably have kids too. They probably have to dye their hair to keep the grey away. One that I met is an x-polygomist. cultural experience. When I walked into my apartment tonight after a nice Sonic dinner with Doiden, we were blown away by the thick wet-dog smell in the air. Canyonlands has a NO PETS ALLOWED policy, I always wonder how my roommates manage to sneak themselves in. I have really good news though. I got an A on my english essay!!! My teacher never gives A's and it was the hardest essay. I feel great. But I really dont feel that great because my head is being a jerk. My head is allll hey i'm going to hurt and stuff. Ew. I have a dumb head. I wore the same thing today as I did yesterday. I hope I wear it tomorrow too. Eden just admitted to being in LOVE with Randy Keller. I always knew it.. I just wanted her to say it. She was like, "Ashlee I love Randy Keller (tears start coming) it feels so good to finally say it, (starts to drool) I love everything about him...(snot comes out of her nose) if I could I would just snuggle with him right now (blows her nose, looks at the snot, throws it at our roommates face) I.... just.... love him. i'm in love with him." I was like woaaahh there ede calm down alittle alry? she was like no bi*ch. I need to get out of this place. People are cruel. I encounter about eight sick jokes a day.

Sick Joke of the Halloween weekend.
1. My roommates friends coming down for the weekend. 2. my roommates friend publicly humiliating herself with a tacky chair dance. 3. Losing the grill I got for my teeth out of the vending machine. 4. Having no cars to smash with pumpkins. 5. the amount of food I inserted into a giant hole in my face. 6. getting the black temporary dye out of my hair. 7. untangling my hair. 8. Having to see Matt Aiken and his DUMBNESS. 9.Utah state baha (thats the sick joke of the century) 10. LETS GO TO THE HOWL BROOOOO. 11. Eden getting completely ready and even putting gum in her mouth but still lying to me and telling me that a boy isnt coming over even though I KNOW that someone is an im pissed. 12. My whiteboard falling off the wall in the middle of the night and scaring the shiz out of me. 13. the smell of this air. 14. getting locked out of my apartment at 2 AM freezing cold. SICKEST JOKE OF THEM ALL.

& many others.... If you would like to hear more, contact me at my facebook account via message.

HAVE A NICE LIFE!

Oh & I would like to give a shout out to Alex Whittingham, what a cool guy.

Japanese Pumpkin