when.

How lucky she has it. It is a mystery to me as to why she has to remind herself of that. Why the mask? That is something only she knows. If she were to tell, she knows it would only hurt worse. Why is the golden question. Why is the question that she has never known the answer to. "Damn google, why cant you give me the answers to my life," she mutters to herself. The mirror must be a distortion, only she can see the lonliness. Red Hot Chili Peppers sounds through the miniature room. Why torture your mind? Red Hot Chili Peppers reminds her of him. The him that still lives. He lives in her childhood memory. The funeral is when she recieved news, this was his favorite band. She would know that had she stayed in touch. But god, she loves his memory. It is hard to believe that something that was once there, can dissapear completely. No where to be seen. Non existant? No they still live. They live inside of you, but you'll never touch them again. The worst, you'll never laugh with them again. It is especially hard knowing they are gone due to a saddened heart. She knows this feeling. She has experienced this kind of loss a few times in her life. There was once a time when she slept at her best friends house. Her dad took them on a joyful ride in the brand new BMW he suddenly posessed. He swerved as the young girls exploded with high pitched screams mixed with beautiful laughs, the real kind of laugh. She remembers the night as if it were yesterday. She remembers the man behind the wheel as if he was still there. She misses him, and with the build up of tears... she reflects on the time she considered him her second father. What a neat guy. A good friend. She remembers him for him, not for what he became. The world can do that to you, it can change you. Generally for the worst. Being aware of this, she yearns to become closer to the gospel. That isnt anything different, she always has. Committing to become closer to the gospel is the hard part. She always tells herself that "oneday." "onedayIwilldoit." You would think she would know by now that life doesnt always make it till that "one day" Sometimes, the deadline is cut short. When.